Feel Good: The Moth Radio Hour — 文稿

M10:13

这里是 The Moth Radio Hour。

This is The Moth Radio Hour.

我是你们的主持人，Jodi Powell。

I'm your host, Jodi Powell.

在这一小时里，我们要走进一些让人觉得温暖又舒服的故事，那些会把你带回某些时刻的故事——那些你不介意再经历一次的时刻。

In this hour, we are leaning into stories that make you feel warm and cozy, that take you into moments you wouldn't mind living twice.

那些你想让时间慢下来的时刻，那些提醒你，哦，原来——原来当时就是这种感觉的时刻。

Moments you want to slow down, that remind you, oh, this— this is what it felt like.

铺开那条毯子，端上一杯茶。

Roll out that blanket with a cup of tea.

在海滩上，或者火炉旁，找个舒服的位置。

Find that spot on the beach or near a fire.

让那些最微小的事物，变得和它们本来一样巨大、一样有意义。

Let the smallest things be exactly as big and meaningful as they actually are.

我们的第一个故事来自 Elise Miller。

Our first story comes from Elise Miller.

Elise 在二零一九年 Detroit 的一场 GrandSLAM 上讲了这个故事，当时我们和 WDET 合作。

Elise told this story at a Detroit GrandSLAM in 2019, where we partnered with WDET.

下面是 Elise。

Here's Elise.

F11:01

我小的时候一直相信，婴儿都是从天上 God 的工厂里来的，而轮到我从流水线上下来那天，他们少装了几个零件。

When I was little, I believed that babies came from God's factory in the sky, and that the day I went down the assembly line, they were missing a few parts.

F21:15

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

F11:15

我少的其中一个零件，是左耳里一小块骨头，这让我有百分之五十的听力损失。

One of the parts I'm missing is a tiny piece of bone in my left ear, making me 50% deaf.

不过，我成长的过程中，这件事并没有对我的生活造成太大影响。

Now, growing up, this didn't have a big impact on my life.

我必须坐在教室前排，虽然我的性格其实更像是坐最后一排的人。

I had to sit in the front of the class, even though I was more of a back-of-the-class personality.

我玩传话游戏特别差。

I was terrible at the game telephone.

我妈妈会带我去观鸟，而我觉得她有超能力，因为我几乎都听不见鸟叫，更别说在树上找到它们了。

And my mom would take me birdwatching, and I thought she had superpowers because I could barely hear the birds, let alone find them in the trees.

后来我三十岁的时候，开始担心，如果我年纪越来越大，右耳的听力也慢慢衰退，那会发生什么。

Now, when I was 30, I started to worry about what would happen as I got older if the hearing in my right ear gradually faded.

所以我做了一些研究，也跟我的医生聊了聊。他告诉我有一种手术，可以在我耳朵里植入一小块金属，恢复我全部的听力。

So I did some research and I talked to my doctor, and he told me about a surgery where they would implant a tiny piece of metal in my ear and restore all of my hearing.

一想到终于有机会知道这么多年我到底错过了什么，我就特别兴奋。

And I was so excited for the possibility to find out what I had been missing this whole time.

于是一个月后，我就有了手术日期。

So a month later, I had a surgery date.

手术之后，我必须等好几个星期，让耳朵愈合，然后我们才能知道手术到底有没有成功。

After the surgery, I had to wait several weeks for my ear to heal before we would even know if it was successful.

所以我等啊等，我回去上班，然后继续等。

So I waited, and I waited, and I went back to work, and I kept waiting.

有一天，我和一位同事在一起，我正穿过办公室，走到门口。

And one day I was with a coworker, and I was walking across my office, and I got to the door.

我转动门把手，它发出吱呀一声。

I turned the doorknob, and it creaked.

我又转了一下，又听到了这种吱呀的声音。

And I turned it again, and I heard this creaking noise.

然后我就一遍又一遍地转它，因为我根本不知道门把手转动的时候会发出声音。

And I started turning it over and over because I didn't know that doorknobs made sounds when you turn them.

我的眼里一下子涌满了泪水，因为我原本以为只是所有声音会变大，可我不知道，原来有一些完整的声音，是我以前从来没有听见过的。

And my eyes filled with tears because I had expected things to get louder, but I didn't know there were entire sounds that I had never heard before.

我的同事就看着我站在那里，一直转门把手。

My coworker is watching me standing there turning the doorknob.

她用大概很正常的音量说，你还好吗？

And she said in what was probably a typical voice, are you okay?

我不知道该说什么。

And I didn't know what to say.

我真的又尴尬又不知所措，所以就赶紧从那儿冲了出去。

I was really embarrassed and overwhelmed, so I just rushed out of there.

我沿着走廊往外走的时候，能听见自己的脚步声。

And I could hear my feet as I walked down the hallway.

我坐进车里，把车门关上时吓了一跳，因为听起来像是砰的一声重重关上了。

When I got in the car and I shut the door, I jumped because it sounded like it slammed.

然后整个开车回家的路上，就像置身在动作片里一样，因为我能听见四面八方传来的交通噪音。

And the whole drive home was like being in an action movie because I could hear these traffic noises coming from every direction.

M23:47

方向。

Direction.

F13:48

回到家以后，我坐在安静的客厅里，开始哭了起来。

When I got home, I sat in the silence of my living room and I started crying.

因为一切都太吵了。

Because everything was too loud.

接下来的一周，我戴着一个耳塞，帮助我的大脑试着处理它听到的所有这些新声音。

Over the next week, I wore an earplug to help my brain try to process all the new sounds it was hearing.

然后，我把自己所有的鞋都试了一遍，想听听我在屋里咚咚走来走去的时候，每双鞋发出的声音有什么不同。

Now, I tried on every single pair of shoes that I owned to hear the different sounds each one made as I clomped through the house.

我还向我的猫道歉，因为我以前跟别人说它们打呼噜打得很差劲。

I apologized to my cats for telling people that they were terrible at purring.

其实它们很会打呼噜，而且声音很大。

They're very good, very loud.

我会走到后院，听见鸟叫，好多不同种类的鸟叫声，而且每次听到一声，我都能准确知道它们坐在哪棵树上。

And I'd go into my backyard and I would hear birds, so many different kinds of bird sounds, and each time I heard one, I knew exactly what tree they were sitting in.

可惜，这种情况没有持续下去。

Unfortunately, this didn't last.

随着我的耳朵继续愈合，implant 移位了，整个世界又安静了下来。

As my ear continued to heal, the implant shifted, and the world went quiet again.

我下定决心要把听力找回来，所以一年后我又做了第二次手术，然后同样的事情又发生了：漫长的等待，大量新的声音，然后又是安静。

I was determined to get my hearing back, so I had the surgery a second time a year later, and the same thing happened: lots of waiting, tons of new sounds, and then quiet.

这一次，我太心碎了。如果它还是不会成功，我真的承受不了再坐一次那样的过山车，去尝试第三次。

This time, I was too heartbroken, and I couldn't take that roller coaster again to try a third time if it wasn't going to work.

所以我逼自己接受，事情以后大概就是这样了。

So I forced myself to accept that this was the way it was going to be.

那年晚些时候，我生病了。

Later that year, I got sick.

我感冒了，一边吸鼻子一边打喷嚏，然后我擤了下鼻子，implant 移位了。

I caught a cold, and as I was sniffling and sneezing, I blew my nose and the implant shifted.

然后有几个小时，我又一次听到了完整的声音，直到我打了个喷嚏。

And for a few hours, I had full sound again until I sneezed.

现在几乎每次我生病，都会发生类似的事。

And now almost every time I get sick, something like this happens.

听力会回来几个小时，有时候会回来几天。

Hearing returns for a few hours, sometimes a few days.

我大概是我认识的人里唯一一个盼着感冒的人。

I'm the only person I know who looks forward to catching a cold.

有一次这种事发生了，那天是星期天，所以我像平常一样去了教堂，然后我听见我们的 choir 唱歌，我能分辨出他们唱的每一个音符，每一个声部。

Once this happened, and it was a Sunday, so I went to church as usual, and I heard our choir sing a song, and I was able to pick out every single note that they sang, every single part.

我当时想，哦，原来这就是为什么大家去教堂会那么兴奋。

And I thought, oh, this is why people get so excited to go to church.

他们每个星期都能听到这个。

They get to hear this every week.

而我知道，这不会持续太久。

And I know that it won't last.

我知道，我能听到的吱呀作响的门把手，能听到的鸟鸣声，数量永远都是有限的。

I know there's always going to be a limit to the number of creaky doorknobs that I hear and birdsongs that I listen to.

我知道，会有无数首歌，我只能听到一半。

I know that there will be countless songs I only half hear.

但我就活在这种希望里，等着下一次有什么东西又发生变化，也好奇我接下来会听到什么。

But I live in this state of hope, waiting for the next time that something shifts and wondering what it will be that I hear next.

谢谢。

Thank you.

M17:00

Ellis Miller 是 Connecticut 州 Granby 一家教会的牧师。

Ellis Miller is the pastor of a church in Granby, Connecticut.

Ellis 和他的妻子搬到了 New York，他们和他们的狗 Murphy 一起住在那里。

Ellis and his wife moved to New York, where they live with their dog Murphy.

Ellis 告诉我们，几年之后，那个 implant 已经不会再在他们打喷嚏的时候移回到正确位置了，但第一次打喷嚏总还是会让他们感到一种充满希望的激动。

Ellis told us that several years later, the implant no longer shifts into place when they sneeze, but that first sneeze always gives them the thrill of hope.

那段重新获得听力又失去听力的经历，让他们有了很深的同理心。后来他们在社区里和那些因为年纪增长而面对听力下降的人一起工作时，也常常会用到这种同理心。

The experience of gaining and losing their hearing left them with a lot of empathy that they draw on when working with people in their community as they deal with hearing loss due to aging.

我问了这一集里的几位讲述者，他们自己有没有什么温暖又舒服的小仪式，或者有没有什么固定的放松方式。

I asked some of the tellers in this episode if they have a warm and cozy ritual of their own, or a go-to way to unwind.

Ellis 发来了这个。

Ellis sent this.

我住的地方，有很多徒步小径。

Where I live, there are a lot of hiking trails.

每当我和我的伴侣 Kate 情绪很强烈，或者被生活压得喘不过气的时候，我们就会，引用一下，‘把它带到树林里去’。

Whenever my partner Kate and I have big feelings or are overwhelmed by life, we, quote, take it to the woods.

我们会去徒步，一直走，一直聊，直到把所有事情都说开。

We go for a hike and keep walking until we've talked everything out.

这招总是能让人换个角度看问题。

It never fails to give perspective.

也能把那些原本让人觉得不堪重负的事情，重新放回合适的大小。

And right-size whatever it was that felt overwhelming.

我们的下一个故事来自 Cormac Stevens。

Our next story comes from Cormac Stevens.

他是在 Burlington 讲的这个故事，我们在那里和 Vermont Public 合作。

He told it in Burlington, where we partner with Vermont Public.

下面是 Cormac，在 The Moth 的现场。

Here's Cormac, live at The Moth.

M38:27

我六岁的时候，吃到了一片完美的面包。

When I was 6 years old, I ate the perfect piece of bread.

我爸妈把它装在一个棕色纸袋里带回家，纸袋侧面有一条红色的条纹。

My parents brought it home in a brown paper bag with a red stripe going down the side.

那条面包是长椭圆形的，顶部有一道硬壳隆起，面包皮是焦糖一样的金棕色，亮亮的，还带着气泡，里面则是雪白的。

The loaf was oblong with a ridge of crust along the top, and the crust was a caramel golden brown, shiny with bubbles, and the inside was snow white.

我爱那种面包，对我来说，它成了面包应该是什么样子的终极典范。

I loved that bread, and to me, it became the epitome of what bread should be.

F18:52

谢谢。

Thank you.

M38:53

柏拉图式的理想型。

The Platonic ideal.

大写的 Bread。

Bread with a capital B.

我十二岁的时候，开始烤面包。

When I was 12 years old, I started baking bread.

我妈妈教我做她每周都会做两条的那种三明治面包。

My mother taught me how to make the sandwich loaves that she made 2 of every week.

那个配方非常简单，连小孩都能照着做，我也确实做了，一直做到我妈妈会把面团从搅拌碗里倒出来，然后用双手几个熟练的转动，就把它变成一个完美的圆球。

And the recipe was so simple that even a child could follow it, and I did, all the way up until my mother would turn out the dough from the mixing bowl, and with a few deft twists of her hands, she would turn it into a perfect sphere.

我也会试着照做，可面团会粘在我手上，会被扯破，最后我得到的只有一大团乱糟糟、毛毛糙糙的东西。

And I would try the same thing, and the dough would stick to my hands, and it would tear, and all I would get was this big, shaggy mess.

我会看着她，问她到底做了什么是我没做的，或者我需要怎么做才能让它成功。

And I would look at her, and I would ask her what she was doing that I wasn't doing, or what I needed to do to make that work.

而她真正能对我说的，也只是我还没学会怎么做，我只能继续做下去。

And all she could really say to me was that I didn't know how to do it yet, and that I just had to keep doing it.

F19:43

谢谢。

Thank you.

M39:44

一遍又一遍，又一遍地做，直到我知道该怎么做。

Over and over and over again until I knew how to do it.

于是我就这么做了。

And so I did.

所以每个星期，一直到我十八岁，我都在烤面包。

And every week until I was 18 years old, I baked bread.

我十九岁的时候，终于买到了一本关于面包的书。

When I was 19 years old, I finally got a book on bread.

不是三明治面包那种，而是漂亮的面包，artisan bread，那种大写 B 的 Bread。

And not sandwich bread, but nice bread, artisan bread, capitalized bread.

我从那本书里学到了很多。

And I learned a lot from that book.

我学到，长椭圆形的面包叫 bâtard。

I learned that an oblong loaf is called a bâtard.

我还学到，面包顶部那道隆起的边叫 ear，是用 lame 割口之后形成的。

And I learned that the ridge across the top of the loaf is called an ear, which you get by scoring it with a lame.

我学到，发亮的外壳是烤箱里的蒸汽造成的，大多数商业面包房都会往烤箱里注入蒸汽，而家用烤箱几乎不可能达到那种蒸汽量。

I learned that a shiny crust is caused by steam in the oven, and that most commercial bakeries will inject steam into the oven, and that it's almost impossible to get that level of steam in a home oven.

最后这一点，是我一边照着那本食谱书烤面包，一边努力做出自己心目中完美面包的时候学到的。

That last part I learned while baking my way through that cookbook and trying to get to my perfect loaf of bread.

我从来没有真正做到。

I never quite got there.

我从来没达到大写 B 的好，但我烤面包确实烤得还不错了。

I never got to capital-B good, but I got pretty good at baking bread.

嗯，我以为自己烤面包已经烤得挺不错了，因为我二十二岁的时候，正好大学毕业，住在父母家里，那时候我们管那段时期叫 novel coronavirus。

Well, I thought I got pretty good at baking bread, because when I was 22, I was living with my parents after graduating college during what we called the novel coronavirus.

然后我申请去一家面包房工作，在申请材料里，我把自己介绍成一个相当有经验的家庭烘焙者，有十年的经验。

And I applied to work at a bakery, and in my application, I presented myself as a fairly accomplished home baker with 10 years of experience.

而且到那时候，我已经读了那么多书。

And I had read so many books by that point.

可是——等我第一天上班的时候，我才意识到，知道所有东西的名字，和真正知道它们是什么、怎么运作，根本不是一回事。

And I— but my first day came along, and I realized that knowing all the names for things is not the same thing as knowing what they are or how they work.

第一天，我被大量的新词、新说法，还有需要学习的新动作一下子淹没了。

And my first day, I was inundated with new words, with new phrases, with new motions that I needed to learn.

我不再是每周烤两个面包，而是每天要烤两千个。

Instead of baking 2 loaves a week, I was baking 2,000 every single day.

在那样的现实面前，我完全不觉得自己是什么有经验的家庭烘焙者。

And in the light of that, I did not feel like an accomplished home baker.

我感觉自己又变回了十二岁，又在看着我妈妈的双手。

I felt like I was 12 years old, looking at my mother's hands again.

但那天晚上我回了家，第二天又回去上班，接着第三天、第四天，我一遍又一遍，又一遍地做，直到我懂了，直到我学会了。

But I went home that night, and I came back the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and I did it over and over and over again, until I knew, and I learned.

我现在二十四岁。

I'm 24 years old now.

我知道的东西比以前多多了。

I know a lot more than I used to.

我知道怎么把面团整形成 bâtard。

I know how to shape the dough into a bâtard.

我知道怎么用 lame 割口，让它形成 ear。

I know how to score it with a lame so that it forms an ear.

我知道怎么把它送进烤箱，再往里面注入蒸汽。

I know how to load it into the oven and inject it with steam.

我也知道什么时候该把它拿出来，也就是它变成完美的焦糖金棕色的时候。

And I know when to take it out, when it's a perfect caramel golden brown.

我知道怎么把面包拿出来，放到金属网架上，再送到隔壁房间，在那里，包装的人会拿起每一条面包，把它装进一个侧面有红色条纹的棕色纸袋里。

I know how to take the bread and load it onto a wire rack and send it into the next room, where the packers will take each loaf, and they will slip it into a brown paper bag with a red stripe on the side.

之后它们去了哪里，我就不知道了。

And I don't know where it goes after that.

但在我比较感性的那些时刻，我确实喜欢想象，其中有一些会去到一个六岁孩子手里，让他们像我每天感受到的那样开心。

But in my more sentimental moments, I do like to think that some of it goes to a 6-year-old kid, and it makes them just as happy as it makes me every day.

F312:54

谢谢。

Thank you.

M113:09

刚才是 Cormac Stevens。

That was Cormac Stevens.

Cormac 是一位来自 Vermont 州 Waterbury 的面包师。

Cormac is a baker from Waterbury, Vermont.

他现在和女朋友 Lucy，还有他的猫 Pomodoro，一起住在 Philadelphia。

He currently lives in Philadelphia with his girlfriend Lucy and his cat Pomodoro.

讲完这个故事之后，他学会了怎么给酥皮面团开酥，不过他的最爱一直还是面包。

Since telling this story, he has learned how to laminate pastry, but his first love continues to be bread.

一会儿，The Moth Radio Hour 继续的时候，我们会坐着房车横穿美国，还会去 Antarctica 参加一场舞会。

In a moment, we go on a trip across the country in an RV and to a dance party in Antarctica when The Moth Radio Hour continues.

M413:54

The Moth Radio Hour 由 Atlantic Public Media 制作。

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media.

M114:04

这里是 The Moth Radio Hour。

This is The Moth Radio Hour.

我是 Jodi Powell。

I'm Jodi Powell.

我们的下一个故事，是在 Seattle 的 Town Hall 举办的一场 Grand Slam 上讲的，那次我们和公共广播电台 KUOW 合作。

Our next story was told at a Grand Slam in Seattle at the Town Hall, where we partnered with public radio station KUOW.

下面是 Silvana Clark，在 The Moth 的现场。

Here's Silvana Clark, live at The Moth.

M214:17

谢谢。

Thank you.

F214:23

我当时在 Manhattan，和我的文学经纪人见面。

I'm in Manhattan, meeting with my literary agent.

这听起来很高大上，但她刚刚对我说：“我做经纪人已经十二年了。

Now, this sounds very hoity-toity, but she has just said to me, "I've been an agent for 12 years.

我从来没见过哪个作者的书卖得像你这么惨。”

I've never had an author with such dismal book sales as you."

真是太鼓舞人心了。

Very encouraging.

我写过十本书。

I'd written 10 books.

我会写书。

I can write the books.

我只是卖不出去书。

I just can't sell the books.

有一家出版社给了我一份两本书的合同，还给了我预付款，结果我交稿的那天，就是他破产的那天。

One publisher gave me a two-book contract, gave me an advance, and the day I turned in my manuscript was the day he went bankrupt.

还有一家出版社非常兴奋，觉得我的书会成为超级畅销书，他还让我找个会计，来帮我打理所有的钱。

Another publisher was so excited that my book was going to be a big bestseller, he told me to get an accountant to handle all my money.

结果第一年我的版税支票是三十六美元二十四美分。

And my royalty check for the first year was $36.24.

J.K. Rowling 完全不用担心我。

J.K. Rowling had nothing to worry about.

我离开那间办公室的时候，心里特别沮丧。

And I left that office feeling pretty discouraged.

于是我决定先把我那可怜的写书事业放到一边。

And I decided to put my pathetic book-writing career on the back burner.

我开始申请真正的工作。

I started applying for real jobs.

我一次又一次地试。

I tried and tried.

没人想雇我。

Nobody wanted to hire me.

我当时挺抑郁的。

And I was feeling pretty depressed.

不过我听说有一个鞋子慈善组织在招志愿者，只要一个上午，去一个 homeless shelter 帮忙。

But I heard there was a shoe charity looking for some volunteers for one morning to help out at this homeless shelter.

所以我就想，唉，那我还是去吧，虽然我很沮丧，也不想去。

So I thought, eh, I'll go even though I'm depressed and I don't want to.

当时一共有十五个志愿者。

So there were 15 volunteers.

我们帮人们领新鞋。

We helped people get new shoes.

结束之后，他们邀请所有志愿者去街对面的一家餐厅吃午饭。

And then afterwards, they invited all the volunteers to go for lunch at this restaurant across the street.

我们都坐在桌边聊天，我看到角落里有一个男人——他也是志愿者——一个人坐着，看起来很难过。

We're all sitting at the table talking, and I see one man over in the corner—he was a volunteer—all by himself, and he looked sad.

我就想，我应该过去邀请他到我们这边来。

And I thought, I should go over and invite him to come over here.

可是我脑子里又有个声音说，他才不想跟你坐在一起呢。

But then part of my brain says, he doesn't want to sit with you.

你就是个失败者。

You're a failure.

你没有工作。

You don't have a job.

你也写不了书。

You can't write books.

而且，你还得跟他说话，可我又不擅长闲聊。

Plus, you'd have to talk to him, and I am not good at small talk.

但我觉得他挺可怜的，所以我走过去说，嗨，我是 Silvana，也是志愿者之一。

But I feel sorry for him, so I go over and I say, hi, I'm Silvana, one of the volunteers.

他笑了笑，我很尴尬地说，你今天做志愿者做得开心吗？

He smiles, and I awkwardly say, did you have fun volunteering?

他说，我很高兴我们能把鞋送给那些人。

And he says, I'm glad we could give those people shoes.

然后，因为我真的不擅长闲聊，我就说，你要不要过来跟我们坐一起？

And then, because I'm bad at small talk, I say, do you want to come sit with us?

你看起来挺难过的。

You look sad.

然后他对我说，谢谢你的邀请。

Then he says to me, thanks for the invitation.

我是 Wayne，这个鞋类慈善机构的 CEO。

I'm Wayne, CEO of the shoe charity.

对。

Yeah.

我刚刚当着一个几百万美元规模的非营利组织的 CEO 的面，说他看起来很难过。

I have just told the CEO of a multimillion-dollar nonprofit that he looks sad.

但他还是过来跟我们坐在一起了。

But he came over and sat with us.

接下来的八个月里，我和我丈夫一路横穿美国，去了 Bellingham。

Now, during the next 8 months, my husband and I traveled cross-country to Bellingham.

我还是没有工作，也还是觉得自己很失败。

I still didn't have a job, and I still felt like a failure.

我有了一个想法。

I had an idea.

我给 Wayne 写了一封只有三句话的邮件，大概意思是，我希望你还记得我。

I wrote Wayne a 3-sentence email, and basically it said, I hope you remember me.

你为什么不买一辆 RV 给我和我丈夫，然后付钱让我们开着它周游全国，帮你们送鞋呢？

Why don't you buy my husband and me an RV, and you pay us to travel around the country giving away your shoes?

然后我就点了发送。

And I hit send.

十分钟后，Wayne 回复说，给我发一份一页纸的方案。

10 minutes later, Wayne responds with, Send me a one-page proposal.

可我当时根本完全没想清楚。

Now, I hadn't thought this through at all.

我甚至都还没告诉我丈夫，我们可能要有一份新工作了。

I hadn't even told my husband that we might be having a new job.

不过我很快拼出了一份提案，然后就发了出去。

But I whipped together a proposal and I sent it off.

一个月过去了。

A month goes by.

Wayne 打电话给我说，我给你们买了一辆 RV。

Wayne calls me and says, I bought you guys an RV.

你们三周后能到这儿吗？

Can you be here in 3 weeks?

我说，当然可以！

And I said, of course!

然后我就去告诉我丈夫，我们有新工作了。

And then I went and told my husband we had a new job.

因为我们的孩子都离家了，他就说，那就去吧。

And because we were empty nesters, he says, let's go for it.

差不多两年里，我们开着一辆又大又亮的蓝色 RV，去了三十四个州，送出了成千上万双新鞋。

For almost 2 years, we drove a big, bright blue RV to 34 states, giving away thousands of new shoes.

而我这份超棒工作的一部分，就是去寻找那些服务资源不足的慈善机构。我们会在指定的时间到那儿，真的跪下来，把新鞋穿到我们在那里遇见的人脚上。

And part of my amazing job was to find underserved charities, and we would go in on the designated time, and literally kneel down and put new shoes on the feet of the people that we met there.

有一次我们在一个地点，一个男人走了进来，我说，你好，你穿多大码的鞋？

We were at one location and a man came in and I said, hi, what size shoe do you wear?

他说，我不知道，我一直都是穿别人给的旧鞋。

He said, I don't know, I just get hand-me-downs.

于是我看了看他鞋舌上已经褪色的标号，我说，是十三码。

So I looked at the faded tongue on his shoe and I said, it's a size 13.

我给他拿了几双十三码的鞋。

I brought him some 13s.

他穿上之后说，你们有更大一点的吗？

He put them on, he said, do you have anything bigger?

F418:44

当然。

Sure.

F218:45

于是我去给他拿了十四码。

So I went and I got him 14s.

他穿上那双之后说，还能再大一点吗？

He put those on and he said, Bigger?

M118:50

当然。

Sure.

F218:51

于是我去给他拿了一双十五码。

So I went and I got him a 15.

我看得出来他很不好意思，所以我干脆又去给他拿了一双十六码。

I could tell he was embarrassed, so I just went and got him a 16.

他穿上，走了几步，然后说，走路的时候脚趾不用再蜷着，感觉真好。

He put them on, he walked around, and he said, it feels so good to be able to walk without crunching my toes.

我也很荣幸，曾经去 Association for Abused Deaf People 送鞋。

And I had the privilege of going and giving away shoes at the Association for Abused Deaf People.

一周之后，我们又在 Society for Torture Survivors 送鞋。

And a week later, we gave away shoes at the Society for Torture Survivors.

你知道，我也许没有像 J.K. Rowling 那样成为畅销书作家，但我确实能在我遇见的人生命里，带来一点点影响。

And, you know, I may not have been a best-selling author like J.K. Rowling, but I was able to make a little impact in the lives of the people that I met.

我在送鞋这件事里找到了意义，而那种感觉，某种程度上比 Hogwarts 还要神奇。

And I found purpose in giving away shoes, and that was kind of more magical than Hogwarts.

至于我在 RV 之旅之后写的那两本书，它们都扑街了。

And as for the 2 books that I wrote after the RV tour, they both flopped.

谢谢大家。

Thank you.

M119:49

Silvana Clark 曾经花了五年时间，为几家公司担任品牌大使，在全美国各地旅行。

Silvana Clark spent 5 years traveling across the country for several companies as a brand ambassador.

除了在 Moth StorySLAMs 上讲过五十五多个故事之外，她现在还会给自己三岁的孙女讲特别戏剧化的故事。

Along with telling over 55 stories at Moth StorySLAMs, she now tells highly dramatic stories to her 3-year-old granddaughter.

在花了十九个月到处送鞋之后，Silvana 又得到了一份为期六个月的工作，继续开着 RV 旅行。

Since spending 19 months giving away shoes, Silvana got another 6-month job traveling in an RV.

她会去探访寄养儿童的营地，用小短剧、魔术，当然还有故事，来逗孩子们开心。

She visited camps for foster kids and entertained them with skits, magic tricks, and of course, stories.

我们的下一个故事来自 Darryl Thorne。

Our next story is from Darryl Thorne.

这是他在 New York City StorySLAM 上讲的，当时 WNYC 是 The Moth 的媒体合作伙伴。下面有请 Darryl。

He told this at a New York City StorySLAM where WNYC is a media partner of The Moth. Here's Darryl.

M220:40

那是二零二二年三月十九日。

It's March 19th, 2022.

上午十一点。

It's 11 o'clock in the morning.

我有九英尺高，从头到脚 covered in 两千面镜子。

I'm 9 feet tall and covered in 2,000 mirrors, top to bottom.

我脚上踩着高跷，全新的，我以前从来没穿过。

On my feet are stilts, brand new, that I've never worn before.

我头上戴着一个镜面地球，上面镂空了各大洲，还有经纬线。

On my head is a mirrored globe with the continents and latitude and longitude lines cut out.

我可以透过那些镂空的地方看出去。

I can see through them.

我身上穿着一套全新的定制高跷服，上面装满镜片，是我专门设计的，手里拿着丝质雪纺扇。

On my body is a brand new custom stilt suit with mirrors that I've had designed, and in my hands are silk chiffon fans.

扇子大概五英尺长，是蓝白渐变色。

They're about 5 feet long, a blue and white ombré.

我感觉特别棒，也特别开心，因为一切都很顺利，尤其是在天气冷得要命的情况下。

And I'm feeling really great and really happy because everything's working well, particularly because it's freezing cold.

高跷运转得很好，头饰也稳稳地戴在合适的位置，我还能把扇子紧紧抓在手里，让它们在我身后鼓起来飘动。

The stilts are working well, the headpiece is perfectly in place, and I'm able to grip my hands tightly with the fans billowing out behind me.

我感觉非常稳。

And I'm feeling really secure.

我得踩着高跷迈出特别大的步子，因为我正在雪地里艰难前行。

I'm having to take really long strides in my stilts because I'm trudging through snow.

而最难的部分，是那股凶猛的风一直迎面砸过来，因为我正走在 Antarctica 一座冰川的顶部。

And the hardest part of all is this ferocious wind that is blasting into my face because I'm walking across the top of a glacier in Antarctica.

所以，四个月前，我接到一个客户的电话，他们说，你想不想跟我们一起去，在前往 Antarctica 的探险邮轮上演出十天。

So 4 months earlier, I get the call from a client and they say, do you want to go and perform with us on the expedition cruise to Antarctica for 10 days.

到那个时候，我已经作为一名 performance artist 和 costume designer 自由工作了大概八年，但这绝对是到目前为止发生过最让人兴奋的事。

And at this point, I've been working for myself as a performance artist and costume designer for about 8 years, but this is definitely the most exciting thing that's happened to date.

所以我真的特别激动，但同时我胃里也有一种往下沉的感觉，因为我意识到，这对我来说会非常困难。

So I'm like really thrilled, but also I feel this sinking sensation in my stomach because I realize this is going to be very difficult for me.

我是那种一向很回避风险的人，我会形容自己，你知道，有非常强的自我保护本能。

I'm someone who has always been risk-averse, and I describe myself as, you know, having a very high self-preservation instinct.

但说白了，其实就是我有很多恐惧。

But really, it just means that there's a lot of fear.

坐飞机、遇到气流，哪怕只是最轻微的一颠，我都会立刻陷入恐慌。

Flying, turbulence, like the slightest bump, I'm thrown into a panic.

我的手心会开始出汗，就像现在这样。

My palms start sweating, as they are now.

我会觉得头晕，而且，你知道，我还有其他害怕的东西。

I feel lightheaded, and, you know, I have other fears as well.

陌生的狗、没熟透的鸡肉、过山车、电梯。

Strange dogs, undercooked chicken, roller coasters, elevators.

被一片 bay leaf 噎住。

Choking on a bay leaf.

害怕的东西太多了。

There are many things.

基本上，任何让我觉得可能有风险的事情，我都会倾向于躲开。

And basically anything that makes me feel there may be a risk, I tend to shy away from.

所以我以前当然一直避开任何在邮轮上的工作。

So I had certainly shied away from any gigs on a cruise ship.

一想到坐在船上，在海里被浪颠来颠去，我就觉得这不是我能接受的。

The idea of being on a boat tossed around in the ocean, it was not for me.

但我当时想，你知道，这太棒了，而且谁知道呢，也许南边的海况没那么糟。

But I thought, you know, this is amazing, and who knows, maybe the waters aren't so bad down in the South.

于是我去跟这个客户开会。

So I go to a meeting with this client.

第一次会议上，我们在安排演出内容。

First meeting, we're laying out the performances.

我们在解释主题等等，然后我注意到日历上有四天什么都没安排。

Explaining the themes, etc., and I notice there's 4 days on the calendar where there's nothing scheduled.

他说，我还是跟你说了吧，那几天我们会穿越 Drake Passage。

And he says, I might as well tell you, that's when we're going through the Drake Passage.

那是世界上风浪最大的海域，浪高三十到六十英尺，而且会持续三十六个小时。

Those are the stormiest waters in the world, 30 to 60-foot waves, and it lasts for 36 hours.

所以我的心一下子沉了下去，胃里一阵翻腾，手心立刻开始冒汗，整个人瞬间被恐惧填满。

So my heart sank, my stomach flipped, my palms immediately began sweating, and I just was filled with terror instantly.

显然他从我脸上看出来了。

And he saw that in my face apparently.

他说，没关系，你知道，也有别人因为 Drake Passage 取消过，所以你只要告诉我们就行。

He said, it's okay, you know, other people have canceled because of the Drake Passage, so just let us know.

于是我回到家，一直反复琢磨，然后我意识到，我必须去做这件事。

So I go home, I'm thinking it over, and I'm just realizing I have to do this.

我不能因为害怕就不去做。

I can't not do this because of fear.

所以我决定了，接下来三个月，我基本上就是一边设计我的六套新服装，一边安排演出，一边收集去 Antarctica 探险需要的所有东西，肚子里那种恐惧感还一天比一天重。

So I'm committed, and basically I spend the next 3 months with just this growing pit of dread in my stomach as I'm designing my 6 new costumes and laying out performances and gathering all the things you need for an expedition to Antarctica.

到了那一天，我飞到 Argentina，登上船，船长出来说，我们要延迟六个小时，因为 Drake Passage 那边显然有一场可怕的风暴。

So the day comes, I fly to Argentina, board the ship, and the captain comes on and says, we're delaying for 6 hours because apparently there's a horrifying storm in the Drake Passage.

我当时就想，好吧，这一刻我最害怕的事情成真了，而我被困在这儿。

So I'm like, okay, this is my worst fear in the moment, and I'm stuck here.

什么也做不了。

There's nothing to be done.

所以我只能努力稳住自己。

So I'm trying to just manage myself.

六个小时过去了，我们离开 Argentina，驶向 Drake Passage。

The 6 hours pass, and we're leaving Argentina, heading into the Drake Passage.

偏偏组织这次 cruise 的人特别有才，安排了一场舞会，正好和我们进入 Drake Passage 的时间重合。

And it just so happens that the people who put this cruise together brilliantly put a dance party that would coincide with going right into the Drake Passage.

他们办了一场叫 Daybreaker 的派对，而他们真的很擅长这种事。

They happened to throw a party called Daybreaker, and they're masters of these sorts of things.

所以我一直特别害怕这件事。

So I was like dreading this.

我听说有这个舞会。

I heard about the dance party.

我也做好了准备。

I'm prepared.

然后基本上，事情就真的这么发生了。

And basically, that's exactly what happened.

我们进入了 Drake Passage。

We get into the Drake Passage.

果然，那些巨大的海浪开始涌过来。

Indeed, these massive waves start coming.

DJ 开始打碟，我们开始跳舞。

The DJ starts spinning and we start dancing.

那种感觉简直不可思议，整个人在跳跃、旋转、转圈。

And it is like the most incredible leaping and spinning and twirling.

就像你往空中一跳，地板要么正在离你而去，要么正在迎面撞上来。

And just like you would jump in the air and the floor is either leaving you or it's coming to meet you.

M425:17

然后你——

And you—

M225:17

完全无法预测。

It's totally unpredictable.

那感觉真是刺激极了。

And it was like totally thrilling.

你会觉得自己像个在蹦床上的小孩。

You felt like a kid on a trampoline.

我之前积压在身体里的那些焦虑和恐惧，就这样全都从我身体里释放出来了。

And all of this pent-up anxiety and dread that I'd had is just being expressed out of my body.

那感觉太棒了。

And it was amazing.

F225:30

太好了！

Yay!

M225:30

在 Drake Passage 里待了三十六个小时，确实，我们遇到了四十 knot 的风，还有二十到二十五英尺高的浪，但我完全没事。

And 36 hours in the Drake Passage, and indeed we had 40-knot winds and 20 to 25-foot waves, and I was totally fine.

我就只是觉得——甚至睡觉的时候，你知道，船就这样晃来晃去。

I was just like— and even sleeping, you know, the boat is going like this.

我本来以为那会影响我睡觉。

I thought that was gonna disturb my sleep.

结果我睡得像摇篮里的婴儿一样香。

I slept like a baby in a cradle.

第二天早上我醒来，周围完全静止、安静，我打开船舱的窗户，Antarctica 就在那里，呈现出它原始纯净的美。

And I woke up the next morning, and it's completely still and silent, and I opened the windows from the cabin, and there's Antarctica in its pristine beauty.

我们坐上 Zodiac，我穿着我的高跷服，带着我的高跷，我们要去登陆点，那里有一座 glacier。

We get in the Zodiac, I'm in my stilt suit, I got my stilts, we're going to the landing, there's a glacier.

于是我把高跷穿上，有人扶着这一头，有人扶着那一头，我朋友 Eli，也就是客户，在后面推着我的屁股，而我穿着两千面镜子和一双高跷，在 Antarctica 爬上一座 glacier。

So I've got my stilts put on and someone is holding this end, someone's holding that end, and my friend Eli, who's the client, is pushing my ass, and I'm climbing up a glacier in Antarctica wearing 2,000 mirrors and a pair of stilts.

我到了顶上，那是一个阳光灿烂的日子，我踩着高跷能看得很远，眼前有那些颜色、penguins，还有冰，那是我这辈子最不可思议的一个工作日。

And I get to the top and it's like a brilliant sunny day, I can see far into the distance on my stilts, and it's the colors and the penguins and the ice, and it was the most incredible workday of my life.

谢谢大家。

Thank you.

M126:41

刚才是 Darrell Thorne。

That was Darrell Thorne.

他是一位常驻 Brooklyn 的艺术家和表演者，创作的作品处在雕塑、服装和讲故事的交汇处。

He is a Brooklyn-based artist and performer creating work at the intersection of sculpture, costume, and storytelling.

从在 Alaskan wilderness 度过的童年，到 New York 夜生活的脉搏，Darrell 的作品探索转变，也探索我们彼此相遇的种种方式。

Drawing from a childhood in the Alaskan wilderness to the pulse of New York nightlife, Darrell's work explores transformation and the many ways we find each other.

自从在 Antarctica 的 glacier 上踩过高跷之后，Darrell 又把 sand dunes 加进了他的经历里，他曾两次在 Egypt 的 Great Pyramids 前踩着高跷表演。

Since wearing his stilts on a glacier in Antarctica, Darrell has added sand dunes to the mix, performing twice on his stilts in front of the Great Pyramids in Egypt.

Darrell 目前正在开发一部完整长度的剧场 storytelling 作品，把自传式故事和视觉奇观融合在一起，由 The Moth 前艺术总监 Catherine Burns 和剧场艺术家 Julie Atlas Muz 联合导演。

Darrell is currently developing a full-length theatrical storytelling work blending autobiographical stories with visual spectacle, co-directed by former Moth artistic director Catherine Burns and theater artist Julie Atlas Muz.

想了解更多信息，请访问 themoth.org。

Go to themoth.org for more information.

至于 Darrell 的仪式感，他说世界上没有什么比每天冥想更好，不过排在很近的第二名的是跳舞和 sauna。稍后，我们会听到一个睡前故事，还有一个来自 beauty shop 的故事。

And for Darrell's rituals, he said nothing in the world is better than daily meditation, but close seconds would be dancing, sauna. In a moment, a story right before bedtime and a story right from the beauty shop.

The Moth Radio Hour 马上回来。

That's when The Moth Radio Hour continues.

M428:07

The Moth Radio Hour 由位于 Massachusetts 州 Woods Hole 的 Atlantic Public Media 制作。

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

M128:16

这里是 The Moth Radio Hour。

This is The Moth Radio Hour.

我是 Jodi Powell。

I'm Jodi Powell.

我们的下一个故事是在 New York City 讲述的，在那里 WNYC 是 The Moth 的媒体合作伙伴。

Our next story was told in New York City, where WNYC is a media partner of The Moth.

请听 Ron Hart 在 The Moth 的现场讲述。

Here's Ron Hart, live at The Moth.

F428:30

所以，我的婚姻算是混合型婚姻。

So I have a mixed marriage.

我妻子爱读书，而我不爱。

My wife is a reader, and I am not.

我们在等待第一个孩子出生的时候，她告诉我，如果你给孩子读书，他们就会变成爱读书的人，而这会让他们在人生中更容易成功。

When we were expecting our first child, she tells me that if you read to children, they become readers, and that sets them up to succeed in life.

然后她发给我一篇文章，她知道我肯定不会读。

And then she sent me an article that she knew I wasn't going to read.

不过我们俩都同意，等我们的女儿 Nina 出生以后，我们绝对希望她更像我太太，而不是像我。

But we both agreed that when our daughter, Nina, was born, that we definitely wanted her to be more like my wife than me.

所以我们打算给她读书。

So we were going to read to her.

然后我被分配到了一个美差：睡前讲故事。

And I got assigned the plum job of the pre-bed storytime.

每天晚上，我们都会坐在 Nina 房间里的摇椅上。

Every night, we'd sit in a rocker in Nina's room.

她坐在我腿上。

She'd be on my lap.

我拿着一本书。

I got a book.

她拿着一个装满牛奶的吸管杯。

She has a sippy cup full of milk.

Nina 十八个月大的时候，爱上了一本书，叫 10 Minutes till Bedtime。

When she was 18 months old, Nina fell in love with a book called 10 Minutes till Bedtime.

F229:24

喔！

Woo!

F429:25

有粉丝啊。

Some fans.

好吧。

All right.

这本书一开始，是一个爸爸一边回头喊：“还有十分钟就要睡觉啦！”他这么说的时候，他女儿正打开家里的前门，把一个巡回仓鼠马戏团的十只仓鼠放了进来。

It starts with a father shouting over his shoulder, "Ten minutes to bedtime!" As he's saying this, his daughter is opening the front door to the house, allowing in ten hamsters from a traveling hamster circus.

为什么呢？

Why?

因为所有童书，都是那些嗑了 ayahuasca 或者其他强效迷幻药的人写出来的。

Because all children's books are written by people tripping on ayahuasca or other heavy psychedelics.

仓鼠们一进来，小女孩就拼命想赶在睡觉时间截止前，完成她每晚的那些固定流程。

As the hamsters load in, the little girl does her level best to try to get through her nightly rituals before the deadline of bedtime.

书里的每一页，她爸爸都在倒数。

On every page of the book, her father is counting it down.

还有九分钟就要睡觉啦！

Nine minutes to bedtime!

还有八分钟就要睡觉啦！

Eight minutes to bedtime!

可是她被这些调皮的仓鼠给缠住了。

But she gets roped in by these rascally hamsters.

还有四分钟就要睡觉啦！

Four minutes to bedtime!

它们把她拉进了它们那些马戏团的胡闹里。

They draw her into their circus shenanigans.

她忘了时间。

She loses track of time.

还没等你反应过来，她爸爸就喊：该睡觉了！

Before you know it, her father shouts, bedtime!

她一下子慌了，赶紧套上睡衣，正好及时扑进床里，让爸爸亲她道晚安。

In a panic, she quickly throws on her pajamas and dives into bed just in time for her father to kiss her good night.

那从阅读量来说，这本书大概也就五十个词。

Now, in terms of reading, this book has like maybe 50 words in it.

但每一页都有好多大图，里面细节特别多。

But every page has like all these big pictures with tons of details.

所以讲故事这件事，就变成了聊那些细节。

So the job of storytime became talking about the details.

你知道，她会坐在我腿上指来指去，然后我就说，对，小女孩睡觉前会刷牙，就像你一样。

You know, she'd sit in my lap and point, and I'd be like, yes, the little girl brushes her teeth before bed, just like you.

然后 Nina 就会凑近，像是把这个故事整个吞进去一样。

And then Nina would lean in, devouring the story.

但问题是这样。

But here's the thing.

当你是一个刚会走路的小孩的家长时，从我孩子睡着到我自己睡觉之间，就只有那么一小段时间。

When you're a parent of a toddler, there's a thin band of time between when my kid goes to sleep and when I go to sleep.

而且要是时间不够，那就是我唯一能看一部不涉及动画公主、美人鱼或者独角兽的电影的机会。

And unless there's enough time, that is the only opportunity I have to see a movie that does not involve an animated princess, mermaid, or unicorn.

所以我的讲故事策略就变了。

So my storytime strategy shifted.

她会指着图，我就会说，嗯，对，那是——那个女孩在穿袜子。

She would point, and I'd say, like, yes, that's— the girl's putting on her sock.

袜子是灰色的，就像太阳温柔落下时，黄昏的光慢慢暗下去的颜色。

The sock is gray, like the slowly dimming light of twilight as the sun gently sets.

我变成了有声版 Ambien。

I became audio Ambien.

我最多四分钟就能把 10 Minutes to Bedtime 讲完，而且大多数晚上，书还没合上，她的眼睛就已经闭上了。

I could bang out 10 Minutes to Bedtime in 4 minutes tops, and most nights her eyes would close before the book did.

但是有一天晚上，她指着图，我说，哦，那是，呃，那是七号仓鼠。

But then one night she points, and I say, oh, that's, uh, that's hamster number 7.

因为所有马戏团仓鼠都穿着印有号码的毛衣。

Because all of the circus hamsters wore sweaters with numbers on them.

为什么呢？

Why?

大概是 ketamine 吧。

Probably ketamine.

但我犯了一个关键错误，我往回翻了一页，给她看七号其实也出现在那一页。

But I made the critical error of turning back one page to show her that number 7 had been there as well.

然后就在那一刻，她那张幼儿的小脸，简直像从头骨上融化掉了一样。

And that was when her little toddler face melted off of her skull.

她把吸管杯一丢，从我手里拿走书，开始翻页，想看看它都在哪里。

She dropped her sippy cup and took the book from me and started flipping through pages looking to see where he was.

然后她合上书，又递回给我，让我从头开始讲，这样她就能在每一页上找到这个小跟踪狂。

And then she closed the book and handed it back to me to start over so she could find this little stalker on every page.

于是我们这样讲了几个晚上，然后她发现了四号仓鼠，那感觉就像她破解了 Nazis 的 Enigma code 一样。

So we did that for a couple nights, and then she found hamster number 4, and it was like she had, like, cracked the Nazis' Enigma code.

没多久，我们就开始在这本书的每一页上找齐全部十只仓鼠，而且它们每一只都有自己的小马戏任务。

Before you know it, we were finding all 10 hamsters on every single page of this book, and they all have their little circus agendas going.

所以我就只能解说，比如，哦对，三号仓鼠又在那儿。

So I just have to narrate, like, oh yeah, there's hamster number 3 again.

它还在玩杂耍。

He's still juggling.

真是个疯狂的家伙。

What a crazy guy.

M432:33

然后她——

And her—

F432:33

她脑袋里那些小小的幼儿神经元现在全都被点亮了。

All the little toddler neurons in her head were going off now.

这根本不是在哄她睡觉。

This was not putting her to sleep.

这已经变成了她一天里最兴奋的部分。

This had become the most exciting part of her day.

10 Minutes to Bedtime 现在要讲四十分钟、五十分钟，甚至一个小时。

10 Minutes to Bedtime was taking 40 minutes, 50 minutes, an hour.

一晚又一晚，同一把椅子，同一个故事，同一只仓鼠。

Night after night, the same chair, the same story, the same hamster.

我被困在了我个人版的 Groundhog Day 里。

I was trapped in my own personal Groundhog Day.

F132:57

哦，我的天哪。

Oh, my God.

F432:58

一部我永远都不会再看的电影。

A movie I would never see again.

然后有一天，我回到家，往 Nina 的房间里偷偷看了一眼。

And then one day I come home and I peek into Nina's room.

她把自己所有的娃娃都摆成了一个半圆，然后坐在我们的椅子上，手里拿着那本书。

She has every doll she owns arranged in a semicircle, and she's sitting in our chair holding the book.

我看着她，她就用那种小小的、尖尖的幼儿声音，指着书页。

And as I watch, she points at the pages in her little squeaky toddler voice.

她说，看，Hamster 四号？

She's like, see, Hamster 4?

显然，她小时候是从 Boston 来的。

Apparently, she's from Boston as a toddler.

她太喜欢我们的讲故事时间了，以至于她真的在把它演出来。

She so loved our storytime that she was literally acting it out.

我当时想，见鬼，我老婆是对的。

And I thought, damn it, my wife was right.

因为她还太小，根本不会读字，可她已经成了一个读书的人。

'Cause she was still too young to read, and yet she had become a reader.

于是我悄悄走到她身后，说，睡觉时间到！

And so I snuck up behind her and I said, bedtime!

她就开始咯咯笑，跳起来，穿上睡衣，一头钻进床里。我给她掖好被子，说，晚安。

And she started giggling and she jumped up and she threw on her pajamas and she dived into bed, and I tucked her in and said, good night.

然后我们笑啊笑，因为她是在重现她最喜欢的那本书里的那个时刻。

And we laughed and laughed because she was recreating that moment from her favorite book.

那是一个完美的瞬间。

It was a perfect moment.

而且因为她才十八个月大，所以接下来我们又不得不重来七次。

And because she's 18 months old, we then had to redo it seven more times.

我现在已经不再给 Anina 掖被子了。

I don't tuck Anina in anymore.

事实上，就在今天，我刚把她送进大一新生宿舍。

As a matter of fact, literally today, I moved her into her freshman dorm.

F134:13

谢谢。

Thank you.

F434:21

你们别哭了，真的。

You guys got to stop crying.

她要去 Sarah Lawrence，那是一所特别棒的学校。

She's going to Sarah Lawrence, which is an amazing school.

同时也是一所我根本负担不起的学校。

It is also a school I cannot afford.

但是 Nina 是拿着学术奖学金去的，因为事实证明，当你给孩子读书，他们就会成为读书的人，而这会让他们在人生里更容易成功。

But Nina is going there on an academic scholarship because it turns out when you read to kids, they become readers, which sets them up to succeed in life.

F134:43

谢谢。

Thank you.

M134:53

Ron Hart 和他的妻子在 Los Angeles 把他们的两个孩子养大。

Ron Hart and his wife raised their two children in Los Angeles.

现在，Ron 会在夏天的夜晚，在他们家后院主持讲故事活动。

Ron now hosts storytelling sessions in their backyard on summer nights.

Anina 正在 Sarah Lawrence 上学，并且将去 Germany 待一年，学习 art history。

Anina is attending Sarah Lawrence and will be off to Germany for a year to study art history.

Ron 依然不是一个爱读书的人，但 Anina 绝对仍然是。

Ron is still not a reader, but Anina very much still is.

Ron 说，那一天对他来说非常情绪化。

Ron said that was a very emotional day for him.

他是真的刚刚把自己的小宝贝留在那里了。在坐 subway 的路上，他想到那个时刻的分量，哭了三四次。

He had literally just left his baby there. During the subway ride, he burst into tears three or four times thinking about the weight of the moment.

等他抬头一看，才发现车厢里的所有人都已经悄悄离他好几英尺远了。

When he looked up, he realized everyone in the train car had edged several feet away from him.

他希望我们替他向那天晚上被他打扰到的乘客道个歉。

He wanted us to include an apology to any riders he disturbed that night.

所以，New Yorkers，Ron Hart 为自己在 subway 上哭这件事感到抱歉。

So New Yorkers, Ron Hart is sorry for crying on the subway.

M235:58

谢谢。

Thank you.

M136:11

我们最后一个故事，是很早以前，二零零六年在一场 Mainstage 上讲的。

Our final story was told way back in 2006 at a Mainstage.

下面是 Faye Lane，在 The Moth 的现场。

Here's Faye Lane, live at The Moth.

F336:27

胖子胖子二乘四，连浴室门都挤不进。

Fatty, fatty two-by-four, couldn't get through the bathroom door.

我上三年级的时候，几乎每天都能听到这首歌，它差点把我的心都伤透了，因为我这辈子最想要的，就是当选美皇后，成为一个特别的人，因为我是在 Texas 我妈妈的美容店里长大的。

When I was in the 3rd grade, I heard that song almost every single day, and it just about broke my heart because what I wanted more than anything in the world was to be a beauty queen, to be special, because I grew up in my mother's beauty shop in Texas.

那是一栋老式的 A-frame 房子，前厅里有大镜子和旋转椅，后面原来的卧室里放着洗头池。我妈妈一周又一周，总是接待同一批女士，所以对我来说，就好像一直有一群特别宠我的奶奶们来来往往，这可能也多少解释了我为什么会胖。

It was this old A-frame house with big mirrors and swivel chairs in the front room and shampoo bowls in the old back bedroom, and my mom saw the same ladies week after week after week, so it was as if I had this constant stream of overly indulgent grandmothers, which might actually kind of explain the fat thing.

宝贝，你想吃 Moon Pie 吗？

Baby, you want a Moon Pie?

好啊，去我包最底下找找。

Okay, go look down in the bottom of my purse.

那里有一个香蕉味的 Moon Pie，就是给你的。

There's a banana Moon Pie with your name on it.

不过小心点，因为我的枪也在里面，我也不知道保险有没有打开。

But be careful, 'cause my gun is in there, and I don't know if the safety's on.

不管我在学校被取笑得有多惨，而那真的很惨，美容店里的那些女士总能让我感觉好一点。

No matter how bad the teasing got at school, and it got bad, the beauty shop ladies could always make me feel better.

哎，我喜欢 teasing 啊。

Well, I like teasing.

你妈妈现在不就在给我的头发做 teasing 吗。

Your mama's teasing my hair right now.

事实上，要不是有 teasing，我的头发就会扁得跟煎饼一样。

In fact, if it wasn't for teasing, my hair would be just as flat as a pancake.

我最喜欢的美容店女士是 Helen 小姐。

My favorite beauty shop lady was Miss Helen.

她会说，宝贝，别听那些讨厌的小孩胡说。

She would say, baby, don't you listen to those horrible children.

他们就是嫉妒你。

They're just jealous.

你一点都不胖。

You're not one bit fat.

你这是丰满。

Voluptuous.

而且你唱歌像小鸟一样好听。

And you can sing like a little bird.

他们会唱吗？

Can they sing?

我敢说他们肯定不会唱。

I bet they can't sing.

有时候我会坐在 Helen 小姐旁边的烘发机下面，拍拍她柔软的胳膊，像揉面团一样捏来捏去。

Sometimes I would sit under the dryer next to Miss Helen and I would pat her soft arms and knead them like dough.

然后我们就会聊天。

And we would talk about things.

我们聊得最多的是吃的，因为她和我一样爱吃。

We would mostly talk about food because she loved food the way I loved food.

她会说，宝贝，我这辈子需要的就两样东西，一杯 buttermilk，和一块热乎乎的 cornbread。

And she would say, baby, all I need in this world is a glass of buttermilk and a warm piece of cornbread.

所以有一天我说，Helen 小姐，那你为什么不胖呢？

So one day I said, Miss Helen, how come you're not fat?

她说，哎呀，孩子，真是难为你这颗好心了，我胖啊。

She said, oh, bless your heart, child, I am.

我已经胖到不能再胖了。

I'm as fat as I can be.

我说，可你看起来不胖啊。

I said, well, you don't look fat.

她说，嗯，那是因为我知道怎么伪装。

She said, well, that's 'cause I know how to camouflage.

我说，伪装？

I said, camouflage?

什么是伪装？

What's camouflage?

她说，嗯，就是把某样东西藏起来，让别人看不见。

And she said, well, that's where you hide something so people can't see it.

我说，等一下，胖也能伪装？

I said, wait a minute, you can camouflage being fat?

她说，天哪，当然能啊，孩子，我被塞进这条束身裤里，就跟面包卷小香肠似的。

She said, good Lord, yes, child, I'm stuffed into this girdle like a pig in a blanket.

你们难道不觉得面包卷小香肠特别好吃吗？

Don't you just love pigs in a blanket?

Helen 小姐的束身裤让我开始琢磨，所以那天晚上，我就钻进了我妈妈的内衣抽屉。

Miss Helen's girdle got me to thinking, so that night I went into my mother's underwear drawer.

我妈妈个子很小，现在也还是，所以她没有束身裤。

And my mother was tiny—she still is—so she didn't have any girdles.

不过因为她整天在美容院站着工作，她会穿那种特别紧的支撑袜，有点像连裤袜和橡皮筋的结合体。

But because she worked on her feet at the beauty shop all day, she wore these really tight support stockings that are like a cross between pantyhose and a rubber band.

于是我偷了一双。

And I stole a pair.

然后我跑到针线篮那里，拿了花边剪刀，把袜腿剪掉，et voilà，我给自己做了一条束身裤。

And then I went to the sewing basket and got the pinking shears and cut the legs off, et voilà, I had made myself a girdle.

我第一天穿着那条束身裤去学校，简直是活生生的噩梦，因为那天大概有一百一十五华氏度，汗水顺着我的后背往下淌，流进束身裤里，而在下面，我那两条胖乎乎的小腿露出来的地方，大腿一直互相摩擦，到一天结束的时候，我几乎都走不动路了。

The first day I wore the girdle to school was a living nightmare because it was about 115 degrees that day, and the sweat was trickling down my back and into the girdle, and at the bottom where my little fat legs stuck out, my thighs were rubbing together, and by the end of the day, I could just barely walk.

但第二天更糟，因为第二天，Keith Schaefer，我们班最帅、也坏得像响尾蛇一样的男孩，在操场上掀起了我的裙子。

But the second day was much worse because on the second day—Keith Schaefer, who was the cutest boy in our class and as mean as a rattlesnake, lifted my dress on the playground.

他说，天哪，大家快看，她穿着束身裤！

He said, oh my God, y'all, look, she's wearing a girdle!

十岁，我的人生就结束了。

Ten years old and my life was over.

但其实没有，因为我内心真的很幸运。

But it wasn't because I was really lucky on the inside.

而且我有非常丰富、非常有创造力的想象力。

And I had this really rich creative imagination.

所以有时候放学后，我会戴着一顶闪闪发亮的 Burger King 纸皇冠，坐在美容院的门廊上，假装自己是选美皇后，坐在游行的敞篷车里。

So sometimes I would sit on the porch of the beauty shop after school in this glittered-up Burger King crown, pretending like I was a beauty queen sitting up in a convertible in a parade.

有时候我还会练习我的选美皇后获奖感言。

And sometimes I would practice my beauty queen acceptance speech.

哦我的天哪，太感谢你们了！

Oh my gosh, thank you so much!

你们知道吗，当我还只是个胖胖的小孩的时候，你们都取笑我，但我原谅你们。

You know, when I was just a little fat child, y'all made fun of me, but I forgive you.

因为用 Jesus Christ 的话来说，我把这顶王冠献给他，你们当时不知道自己在做什么。

For in the words of Jesus Christ, to who I dedicate this crown, y'all knew not what y'all did.

我就是知道，我心里就是知道，总有一天我的人生会改变。

I just knew, I just knew in my heart that one day my life would change.

所以你们可以想象，当我听说 Gandy 夫人的三年级春季演出会是 Peter Rabbit: The Musical 的时候，我有多激动。

So you can imagine my excitement when I heard that Mrs. Gandy's third grade spring production would be Peter Rabbit: The Musical.

因为，拜托，那可是 Flopsy，对吧？

Because, hello, Flopsy, right?

我的备选是 Mopsy，但我想，至少还有一整座花园的花呢，我都能想象自己演一朵又大又慵懒、垂着头的鸢尾花，或者一朵精神活泼的小雏菊，或者像一朵很有气质的菊花，你懂吧？

My fallback position was Mopsy, but I figured at the very least there was a whole garden full of flowers, and I could just see me as a big, languid, droopy iris, or a perky little daisy, or like a sophisticated chrysanthemum, you know?

所以当宣布我被选中出演那个关键角色，四季豆的时候，我整个人都震惊又崩溃地站在那里。

So I stood in shock and horror when it was announced that I had been cast in the pivotal role of the green bean.

四季豆的服装包括一件绿色紧身衣，上面用别针别满了皱纹纸做的豌豆荚，还有一条青柠绿的连裤袜，以及一顶两英尺高的豌豆荚帽子，顶上还有个卷卷的东西。

The green bean costume consisted of a green leotard with crepe paper pea pods safety pinned all over it, and lime green tights, and this two-foot-tall pea pod hat with a curly thing on top.

放学后，我哭着去找 Gandy 夫人。

I went to Mrs. Gandy after school in tears.

我说，Mrs. Gandy，我做不到。

I said, Mrs. Gandy, I cannot do this.

我不能穿这个。

I cannot wear this.

谁听说过胖胖的四季豆啊？

Whoever heard of a fat green bean?

他们会笑话我的。

They're going to make fun of me.

而且 Mrs. Gandy，我会唱歌啊。

And Mrs. Gandy, I can sing.

我的才华都浪费在这颗豆子上了。

My talent is wasted on this bean.

她说，Rhonda Faye，你听我说，孩子。

She said, Rhonda Faye, you listen to me, child.

在我的演出里，有四只小兔子，还有很多花，可是只有一颗四季豆，而那就是你。

In my show, there are four bunny rabbits and there are a lot of flowers, but there is one green bean and you are it.

她说，现在我会给你写一段独唱，但我要你站到台上去，把你的心都唱出来，别让那些孩子来告诉你你是谁。

She said, now I will write you a solo, but I want you to get up there and pour your heart out on that stage and don't you let those children tell you who you are.

你要让他们看看你是谁。

You show them who you are.

就在那一刻，我决定要做舞台上出现过的最棒的四季豆。

And I decided in that moment to be the best green bean ever to grace the stage.

可是那套丑得要命的服装该怎么办呢？

But what to do about that hideous costume?

我把它摊在我的 Sears 带顶棚的床上，准备评估一下损失。

I laid it out on my Sears canopy bed to assess the damage.

首先，是这件可怕的紧身衣。

First of all, this horrible leotard.

我很有策略地重新用安全别针把那些皱纹纸做的豆荚别上去，好遮住我身材上的缺点。

I strategically re-safety-pinned the crepe paper pea pods to hide my figure flaws.

然后我把我的 Burger King 皇冠固定到了豆荚帽子上。

And then I attached my Burger King crown to the pea pod hat.

接着我灵光一闪：BeDazzler。

And then I had a brainstorm: the BeDazzler.

BeDazzler 就像是那种给水钻用的——呃，更准确地说，是订书枪，像是给水钻用的订书枪。

The BeDazzler is like this rhinestone for— rather, a staple gun, like a staple gun for rhinestones.

所以我把那件紧身衣镶得闪到不能再闪，然后以防我的内裤露出来，我还把内裤也镶上了水钻。

So I bedazzled that leotard to within an inch of its life, and then just in case my panties showed, I bedazzled my panties.

F143:51

我的天哪。

Oh my God.

F343:53

我照着镜子，觉得自己美极了。

And I looked in the mirror and I felt so beautiful.

直到首演那天晚上，我走到后台，看见 Betty Renee Boyd 和 Michelle Swinford 穿着她们粉色、毛茸茸的 Flopsy 和 Mopsy 服装。

Until opening night, when I stepped backstage and I saw Betty Renee Boyd and Michelle Swinford in their pink fluffy Flopsy and Mopsy costumes.

Keith Schaeffer 也在那里，穿着他的 Farmer McGregor 扮相，看起来还是那么吓人。

And there was Keith Schaeffer in his Farmer McGregor drag looking as menacing as ever.

我心想，我心想，天哪，我都干了什么？

And I thought, I thought, oh my God, what have I done?

我看起来像个巨大的绿色迪斯科球。

I look like a big green disco ball.

我看起来像该死的 Elton John。

I look like Elton freaking John.

所以我就闭上眼睛，站在那里屏住呼吸，然后我听见幕布拉开，听见我的音乐提示响起，还能听见 Mrs. Gandy 在后台喊，Rhonda Faye，上，上！

So I just closed my eyes and I stood there holding my breath, and I heard the curtain open, and I heard my music cue, and I could hear Mrs. Gandy backstage going, Rhonda Faye, go, go!

上，上，上！

Go, go, go!

可我就是做不到。

And I just couldn't do it.

我就是，我喘不过气来。

I just, I couldn't breathe.

过了几分钟，我偷偷往观众席看了一眼，看到我妈妈还穿着美容院的制服，看起来特别紧张。

After a few minutes, I peeked into the audience and I saw my mom still in her uniform from the beauty shop, looking really nervous.

Miss Helen 也在，还有美容院的其他女士们。

And there was Miss Helen and all the other beauty shop ladies.

她们全都来了，她们是来看我的。

They were all there and they came to see me.

你知道，因为不管怎样，她们都爱我。

And, you know, it was because they loved me no matter what.

而我就是不能让她们失望。

And I just couldn't let them down.

所以我深吸了一口气，然后开始唱。

So I took a deep breath and I started to sing.

那天晚上我唱的那首歌，到现在都还让我特别有感触，因为它后来有点成了我整个人生的主题曲。

And the song I sang that night is still really close to my heart because it's sort of become a theme for my whole life.

我是小小小豆子，住在绿绿的花园里。

I'm the teeny weeny bean, living in the garden green.

我爱整天晒太阳。

I love to bask in the sun all day.

我做的事就是睡觉和玩耍。

All I do is sleep and play.

其实也没那么糟嘛。

That wasn't so bad.

从我最小小的血管，到我小小小的脾脏，我从里到外都很健康。

From my smallest veiny vein to my teeny weeny spleen, I am healthy through and through.

吃了我吧，我对你有好处。

Eat me, I'll be good for you.

从 Dallas 一路到 Abilene，还有 Texas 中间所有地方，你们肯定从没见过这么机灵、苗条又厉害的豆子。

From Dallas clear to Abilene and all of Texas in between, y'all have surely never seen a bean so keen and lean and mean.

M146:29

我是四季豆女王！

I'm a green bean queen!

F346:31

谢谢。

Thank you.

第二天在学校，我感觉到了一种很微妙的变化。

The next day at school, I felt this subtle shift.

一整天都没人叫我胖子，而且还有个七年级的男孩在走廊里跟我击了个掌。

Nobody called me fatty all day, and this 7th grade boy gave me a high five in the hallway.

他说，看啊大家，是那颗小四季豆！

He said, look, y'all, it's the little green bean!

从 Reinhardt Elementary School 礼堂舞台上的那个夜晚开始，我就不再需要任何人来告诉我，我是没问题的，甚至是特别的，因为在一九七五年春天的那几分钟里，我就是四季豆女王。

And ever since that night on the stage of Reinhardt Elementary School auditorium, I haven't needed anybody to tell me that I'm okay, special even, because for a few minutes in the spring of 1975, I was a green bean queen.

谢谢。

Thank you.

M147:15

刚才是 Faye Lane。

That was Faye Lane.

Faye 是一位备受赞誉的主题演讲嘉宾和企业培训师。

Faye is an acclaimed keynote speaker and corporate trainer.

作为一名单人表演者，Faye 让世界各地的观众又开心，又被触动。

As a solo performer, Faye has delighted and provoked audiences worldwide.

她住在 New York 的 Chelsea Hotel，目前是 Dallas 的 Thanks-Giving Square 的驻场艺术家兼首席灵感官。

She lives in New York at the Chelsea Hotel and is currently the artist-in-residence and chief inspiration officer for Thanks-Giving Square in Dallas.

当我们问 Faye，她有哪些让自己觉得舒服温暖的小仪式时，她告诉我们，她喜欢坐在 Chelsea Hotel 的大堂里，看人来人往，也写写日记。

When we asked Faye what her cozy rituals are, she told us she loves to sit in the lobby of the Chelsea Hotel, people watching and writing in her journal.

你有没有一个关于仪式，或者某个你愿意付出一切再经历一次的时刻的故事，想讲给我们听？

Do you have a story to tell us about rituals or moments you would do anything to live again?

你可以直接在我们的网站上录下来，把你的故事提案发给我们。

You can pitch us your story by recording it right on our site.

最好的提案会被发展成世界各地 Moth 演出的故事。

The best pitches are developed for Moth shows all around the world.

Moth 的活动全年都有。

There are Moth events year-round.

你可以找到你附近的一场演出，来现场讲一个故事。

You can find a show near you and come out and tell a story.

你可以在各大社交媒体平台上找到 The Moth。

The Moth can be found on all major social media platforms.

本期节目就到这里。

That's it for this episode.

希望下次你还会继续收听。

We hope you'll join us next time.

这就是来自 The Moth 的故事。

And that's the story from The Moth.

M448:36

本期 The Moth Radio Hour 由我，Jay Allison，以及 Jody Powell 制作；Jody Powell 也和 Catherine Burns 一起主持并指导了节目中的故事。

This episode of The Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Jody Powell, who also hosted and directed the stories in the show, along with Catherine Burns.

联合制作人是 Viki Merrick。

Co-producer is Viki Merrick.

助理制作人是 Emily Couch。

Associate Producer Emily Couch.

额外的 GrandSLAM 指导由 Michelle Jalowski 完成。

Additional GrandSLAM coaching by Michelle Jalowski.

The Moth 的领导团队包括 Gina Duncan、Christina Norman、Marina Cluchet、Sarah Austin Jenness、Jenifer Hixson、Jordan Cardinale、Caledonia Curry、Kate Tellers、Suzanne Rust、Sarah-Jane Johnson，以及 Patricia Ureña。

The Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Christina Norman, Marina Cluchet, Sarah Austin Jenness, Jenifer Hixson, Jordan Cardinale, Caledonia Curry, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, Sarah-Jane Johnson, and Patricia Ureña.

The Moth 的故事都是真实的，依据讲述者的记忆和确认呈现。

Moth stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers.

我们的主题音乐来自 The Drift。

Our theme music is by The Drift.

本小时节目中的其他音乐来自 Bill Frisell 和 Epidemic Sound。

Other music in this hour from Bill Frisell and Epidemic Sound.

The Moth Radio Hour 由位于 Massachusetts 州 Woods Hole 的 Atlantic Public Media 制作。

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

特别感谢 Audacy 的朋友们，包括执行制作人 Leah Reis-Dennis。

Special thanks to our friends at Audacy, including executive producer Leah Reis-Dennis.

想了解更多关于我们 podcast 的信息，想知道如何向我们投递你自己的故事——我们也真心希望你这么做——以及想全面了解 The Moth，请访问我们的网站 themoth.org。

For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, which we hope you'll do, and to learn all about The Moth, go to our website, themoth.org.

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You can share these stories or others from The Moth archive and buy tickets to Moth storytelling events in your area through our website, themoth.org.